A Purposeful Life

Purposeful Life

Over our morning Americano, I said to Martin, “I think I’m having an existential crisis.” 

Martin responded simply, “It’s about time.” 

I was feeling restless and anxious, which came out as anger and impatience. We were in Antigua, Guatemala. Martin was basking in the bright blue sky and the beautiful ruins and the delicious cafes, bars, and restaurants while I was worried about our next destination, our next hostal, our next adventure. 

By admitting that I was feeling unsure of my purpose in the world, I suddenly had the freedom to examine what was going on. Traveling to a new city entails figuring out how to get there, finding new maps, figuring out the safest areas, finding a new place to stay, finding good food while staying healthy, and learning about the main points of interest. These things keep me distracted from realizing that my purpose in the world no longer revolves around a job. 

Planning the next destination has become my purpose. And that isn’t very fulfilling.

Purposeful Life

After our coffee, Martin and I pondered our life while sitting on a bench in Parque Centro. 

Antigua has a lot to offer. I love the international vibe of the city. While I dislike traditional Guatemalan food (I’m sorry, but it is overly sweet, bland, and full of chicken), the expat community has created a thriving restaurant scene with some of the best food we’ve had since leaving Minneapolis. The city is breathtakingly beautiful and full of history. The weather is sunny and 75 degrees nearly every day. I’ve fallen back into the routine of running every day

On the other hand, Antigua is an expensive city in comparison to other cities in Guatemala or Mexico. We were spending about $40/day in San Cristobal de las Casas, and we spend about $140/day in Antigua. 

Purposeful Life

How can I live a more purposeful life? 

I miss the feeling of community, a place of belonging. Volunteering in Lanquin/Coban and taking Spanish classes in San Cristobal gave me a purpose and a connection to a community. In Antigua we haven’t yet established a connection – mainly because we only intended to stay long enough to climb a volcano. 

Purposeful Life

But we like Antigua.

Perhaps I could take a yoga teacher training class and become a yoga teacher (an idea I’ve toyed with over the past couple years). Perhaps I could tutor some English language learners. Perhaps I could teach English online. Perhaps I could get involved with a volunteer organization here. Perhaps I could learn more Spanish. 

Perhaps I could be at peace with just being.

I’m ready to take traveling to the next stage. I’m ready to look a little deeper into a city and find ways to build connections. Finding a hostel is easy; making new friends is not. 

I don’t know how long we will stay in Antigua.

I don’t know what my purpose will be in Antigua. 

Purposeful Life

Planning my next destination is something I still need to do, but it isn’t the only thing I need to do. Making connections with others has always been my intention with this voyage. Somehow in the midst of border crossings, stomach-churning shuttle rides, and mind-boggling Spanish, I lost that focus.

All it took was an existential crisis over a cup of coffee for me to realize I need to connect with myself again.

3 thoughts on “A Purposeful Life”

  1. And for Martin to say, “It’s about time”……..what a guy you’ve got! Go, Jill! You can figure it out! Love from us and miss you both.

  2. Don’t forget, your are also sharing the world, your travels, your learnings and discoveries with the community you’ve already built. You are still connecting with your family and friends back home, and we are loving the narration from afar. You are giving us the gift of adventure! Hang in there and cherish each moment for what it is, know that you’re changing our existence too.

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